I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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