so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
