Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can I color on your dick again?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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