so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so that wasnt chicken after all
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
