She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My ass is underappreciated
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
