I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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