In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
