I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
