I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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