Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
