Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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