Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
