i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
