i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
