when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize