I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
