"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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