Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
