you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
