Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
