someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
