2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
