i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
