I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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