Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
