Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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