Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
