I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
