She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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