I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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