I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
