$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
