Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
