I want to make a zoo with you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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