But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
