He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
