Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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