u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
