i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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