You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
