you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
