I'm lost and stupid without you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
