This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
