Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
