youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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