he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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