i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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