They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
