I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
