she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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