Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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