Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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