my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
