I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
