Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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