I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
