Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
