so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
