The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
