i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
