He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize