twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
