I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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