I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i believe in u and ur pee
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
