I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
