people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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