my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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