It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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