What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
