Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
