I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
