I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize