She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
