what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
