her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
