Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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