No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize