I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
