i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
