Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
