dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
