if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You can't motorboat a personality
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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