So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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