how can u be prego again
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
