Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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