Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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