My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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