so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
