Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
