He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
