I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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