He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
