i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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