I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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