If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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