She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
