His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize