So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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