You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
