You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Im part way to drunk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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