i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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